Date:	2006-01-07 04:05
Subject:	A follow up.
Security:	Public
Mood:	depressed
Music:	New Order - Joy Division - Waiting Here (Original Composi

Yea. I just read over the comments from yesterday morning's post (as well, as the post itself) and I think the post was well written. But  I suppose I just didn't make my point clear enough. I googled the definition of bona-fide to see what exactly it meant, and I got something pretty interesting. The definition reads: "bona fide: Not counterfeit or copied: actual, authentic, genuine, good, indubitable, original, real, true, undoubted, unquestionable. See true/false" and I presume we all know it's common usage for describing an unpaid transaction or service rendered. So what the fuck does it have to do with learning / language apprehension? Well that is kinda my point really; in today's society we don't have bona fide learners. The term (when applied to a student) has become somewhat void. Most students I know learn for marks, not for apprehension and certainly not out of good faith. We all do it; we cheat, we suck up, we plagiarize, we copy ~ All for the marks. And this is why I am confused about the term "bona fide private Students." Every student I can name are students not out of good faith nor are they students in some private sense.

What I was getting at was that I have really a romantic image of being my own teacher, my own student. I'd love to be able to say "I want to learn Shakespeare" then go out and educate myself about Shakespeare. You know; read criticism, read plays, learn... And I've tried doing this ... with some success. I tried going out and teaching myself calculus over the summer, and I made about as much progress with it as I have so far in four months of schooling. Granted I taught myself in maybe two weeks of flippant study, I think that is a pretty strong statement. Sorry that was a lie. I taught myself over five weeks of page skimming, for fun ~ while being a douchebag in Quebec. So again my whole idea is shot. I would love to be able to sit down and absorb information, outside of an academic context though. But then again why don't I just do it? Why don't I just wake up? Well there is something quirky as well. I would really love to be able to, and if I love it enough, why shouldn't I commit to it? I think I can't because I've been so trained to take notes / do examples (synthesizing generalities as little as possible.) Oddly, I think the only lesson I have really learned on the subject of learning is what Mr. Bondy shouts incessantly "Make rough notes!" That is all the old man tells us really, and I think it is all we really need. I wish I could just make notes, and learn that which I want to know... That'd rock. But maybe I've just come to segregate my time into: school time, prick time, and depression time. I'm bent on learning in school, beating my prick, and beating myself. I don't know when the yearn to know will finally burst through, and I'll get some productive research going... Maybe never. Not the way the things are looking these days.

i want to drill holes in my eyes

Hurt by Johnny Cash
( Read more... )

Ummm, last night I attended DART's (Destroy All Rational Thought) premiere. Very good show. I think they've pretty much established themselves up as the hardest, angriest, and most violent group in all of London. So needless to say; they've really made a splash. I think their show was awesome and all that... And I will indubitably write up a little review a little later, but right now I have a bit of a bone to pick. While I was at the show, one of DART's fans and a long time fried of mine who we'll call Bysshe can up to me and started cuddling me. Now this is good Bysshe has a nice body, and shes smart, and she did it at an appropriate time and everything. She even said she loved me. The band was just sort of getting ready to go one and I was just getting fired up... So a little bit of a hug and a cuddle didn't hurt me at all. I was happy about it.

But little did I know Bysshe had an ulterior motive. Once the show got fired up I was too busy moshing / punching / breaking things to really cuddle and enjoy milk of human kindness. Those of you who know me, will know that I often lose my shirt when excited, I just take it off and party harder... Something about acne; I don't really know. So I took off the shirt and partied. Bysshe is kinda thinish, timid, and reserved so she didn't mosh much with the +150 Lb group or drunken men. Now this is good - I'd hate to see her little body broken needlessly. But back to the story, every time I'd pause (I'm not skilled at sustained moshing yet) she'd kinda pet my chest and squeeze me... Which again, was appreciated. I think she even bit me once... Really appreciated. Anyway as I said she had an ulterior motive. When the show was over; she hugged me ... A sort of fermata'd embrace. And told me "Don't kill yourself. I really love you; and it'd be a waste." She said that if I did kill myself, I should at least leave some writings behind but I'm lazy so I told her it'd be a Daniel Steele or a Barbara Cartland. She insisted whatever I wrote would be the next Jitterbug Perfume. Great, an obscure cult legend. Awesome. Once she was done this little spiel she bit again, and left. She left to go snuggle with her boy ... The lead of DART.

Yup, thats right. A groupie hugged me, told me she loved me, and that killing myself would be stupid because so many people love me... Then she went back to her truer love. Does anyone see the irony in this?

Just keepin' tabs.